Elisha! Portland Evangelical Academic Ecstatic Over Biblical Justification for Trump

“Who is the modern Mary Magdelene, in terms of American sentiment, if not Saudi Arabia?” Sclorps said. “They’ve been outcasts ever since they did 9/11. And Trump vetoed congress to sell them millions of dollars in arms, just as Jesus chose to walk with the pariah Mary Magdalene.”

White House announces first Trump DeVos Academy to open in Oregon’s Hillsboro

"Our country will be in safe hands with the leaders Trump DeVos Academy produces. But, to be certain, these safe hands are not and will never be larger than President Trump's hands, whose hands are the largest," a spokesman said in the briefing.

Patriot Prayer, ANTIFA to begin making out passionately

To the surprise of no one that's ever seen a movie, Patriot Prayer and Rose City ANTIFA's passionate obsession for each other will soon turn from violence to lusty open-mouth kissing, according to anonymous sources and police officer texts. "It's the slap-slap-kiss trope playing out, and everyone has always known it," said Lewis & Clark … Continue reading Patriot Prayer, ANTIFA to begin making out passionately

Bugle Exclusive: Sources say LeBron to Portland a Near Certainty

According to exclusive Portland Bugle sources with specific information, LeBron James' impending decision about which team to sign with this offseason has already been made. It is a decision Blazers fans will be thrilled with. In brief: LeBron likes terrible municipal art, 7-Eleven Free Willy is a cinematic masterpiece Californians didn't pay well above asking … Continue reading Bugle Exclusive: Sources say LeBron to Portland a Near Certainty