Portland Smartasses bemoan Shelley’s Frankenstein discovery


Smartasses everywhere are distraught over the discovery of a previously unknown Mary Shelley correspondence  describing to Lord Byron the acceptable ways to refer to the monster in Frankenstein: or, The Modern Prometheus.

Discovered below a parking lot in Coventry City, academics are thrilled, and smug Halloween semantics-snobs are horrified, by the short letter scientists have already deemed authentic.

Mary Shelley

…however all of ‘Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster,’ ‘Frankenstein’s Monster,’ or, simply ‘Frankenstein’ are acceptable means with which to refer to the phantasm at the centre of my novel.

-Mary Shelley, in a letter to Lord Byron, date unkown


In Portland the discovery has met a split reception.

“Oh, this is a nightmare,” said Eddie Floob, of NW Portland. “Obviously holding the propriety of how to refer to a pop-culture monster over someone as credibility is pretty [expletiving] weak. But since being banned from most newspaper comment sections for offering corrections of ‘you’re’ and ‘your,’ and nothing else, this is really about all I have for myself.”

Unlike Floob, Deborah Feeney is happy with the discovery as a fan of British Literature, and not a fan of insufferable jackasses.

“Two years ago someone came as Frankenstein to the office party, and so I said, ‘oh hey, great Frankenstein costume.’ The guy had clearly worked hard on it. Then this weasel Russ, one of the computer guys, he says, ‘…uh, I think you mean “Frankenstein’s Monster,” Debbie. Frankenstein was the scientist. Hell-oooooo!’ He brought it up several times afterward, and then at last year’s party he would not shut the [expletive] up about it.”

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