Portland’s soccer moms bristle at appropriation of their culture by burrito justice warriors

“It used to be when a bicycle was stolen way over in Troutdale, I could freak out about how my children here in Beaverton were in imminent, extreme danger of death,” Bung said. “Now these Portland kids are taking the ‘loudest, most outraged and scared, therefore most aware’ bit away from soccer moms, and it's Oregon's most critical present issue.”

Warriors to sign McCollum, Lillard ahead of Game 2

"If you can't beat them super, super easily, have them join you," Warriors guard Stephen Curry said of round one rumblings about Golden State's imminent roster plans. "I won't rest until we have a Globetrotters/Generals situation." Operating under the belief that it's neither fair nor right that they should be challenged in a playoff game--even if … Continue reading Warriors to sign McCollum, Lillard ahead of Game 2

Bugle Exclusive: Portland silent on whether photo of Bannon should replace First Ammendment

The results of a Bugle Politbureau poll have shown that Portland is undecided whether an autographed photo of President Trump's Chief Advisor and noted hateful lunatic Steve Bannon should replace the First Amendment. After tweeting the highly formal and scientific poll through this publication's twitter feed (see the image above) the total of zero responses--including … Continue reading Bugle Exclusive: Portland silent on whether photo of Bannon should replace First Ammendment