New Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has managed to quietly slash the city's Swiss chard budget from $3.5 million annually to a mere $3.2 million.
"Yoga participation is up 14 hundred percent, artisan hand-stitchery is up 18 thousand percent and mandatory local farmer's market attendance has been an undeniable, unprecedented success. It's amazing what the unpoisioned mind is capable of."
California's cryptids and supernatural beings are moving to the Northwest, and specifically Oregon, at a great rate, forcing pressure on locals.
“It used to be when a bicycle was stolen way over in Troutdale, I could freak out about how my children here in Beaverton were in imminent, extreme danger of death,” Bung said. “Now these Portland kids are taking the ‘loudest, most outraged and scared, therefore most aware’ bit away from soccer moms, and it's Oregon's most critical present issue.”
Anxiety is high in the Hawthorne/Belmont districts of Southeast Portland, as increasing reports of a so far unidentified beardless man are flooding newspaper tiplines and trendy bars alike.
"He was terrible, make no mistake," said witness Feather Kloop. "But our saw-buskers are what make Portland Portland, more than anything. Accept maybe yoga. May those pilates hacks rot in hell."
"I'm three," said Addison, "I like glowing screens and bright, bright, BRIGHT--please put that last one in caps--colors. Look at me. To describe this shirt as 'beige' would be hyperbolic--there isn't nearly that much color in it."
"If you can't beat them super, super easily, have them join you," Warriors guard Stephen Curry said of round one rumblings about Golden State's imminent roster plans. "I won't rest until we have a Globetrotters/Generals situation." Operating under the belief that it's neither fair nor right that they should be challenged in a playoff game--even if … Continue reading Warriors to sign McCollum, Lillard ahead of Game 2
"I couldn't be more thrilled," said Fern Ploot of Anderson's announcement. "My only concern is that someone may encroach on my idea to start a cocktail bar based on a Wes-Anderson-meets-paisley-pocket-squares aesthetic before I can launch it."
The results of a Bugle Politbureau poll have shown that Portland is undecided whether an autographed photo of President Trump's Chief Advisor and noted hateful lunatic Steve Bannon should replace the First Amendment. After tweeting the highly formal and scientific poll through this publication's twitter feed (see the image above) the total of zero responses--including … Continue reading Bugle Exclusive: Portland silent on whether photo of Bannon should replace First Ammendment